Etiquette Defier Pillows

"I didn't want to waste the good stuff, so I used the oldest bottle in your wine collection for the spaghetti sauce."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Awkward First Dates

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

'Don't get up!'