Etiquette Rebels Pillows

Guest and hostess are honest and rude to one another at a party

Eating the Cocktail Olive

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

"Use your fingers."

"I'll have the chef."

'No cocktails for me, thanks.'

New Rules of Etiquette

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"I hit reply all too many times."

'D'you have any salt?'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"