Etiquette Rebels Mugs

Guest and hostess are honest and rude to one another at a party

Eating the Cocktail Olive

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

"Use your fingers."

"I'll have the chef."

'No cocktails for me, thanks.'

New Rules of Etiquette

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"All rise."

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'D'you have any salt?'