Etiquette Comedy Fans Gifts

"They always remember 'bring a dish,' but they always forget 'to pass.'"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"He looks just like your husband."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Standard & Poor

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'