Etiquette Comedy Fans Mugs

"They always remember 'bring a dish,' but they always forget 'to pass.'"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

Standard & Poor

"He looks just like your husband."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions