Etiquette Awareness Gifts

Human Cull: People in the supermarket who stop and chat with their carts blocking the aisle.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Hipsters"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hey, you two! What did I say about sharing?!"

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

Awkward First Dates

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."