Etiquette Gifts

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'I can never remember. Does the cell phone go on the left or the right?'

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

Two Englishmen Who Were Never Formally Introduced.

'Remember when we had to go into a sound-proof telephone box to make a public phone call?'

'It's a memo from our parent company. They remind us to pay attention, quit slouching, take our elbows off the table and to act our age, if it's not too much to ask!'

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

'Pushing to the front of the queue is an automatic fail, I'm afraid, Mr. Singh.'

British culture is deeply impregnated with 'hinting', getting the message across, withot ever 'coming out with it'.

Britishness Test - Queue Here.

'You must close your eyes during grace.'

Trapped in a how-are-you vortex

"This is a nice restaurant. Turn your cap around."

'Think we should ask permission first?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

The merger hits a snag.

'It looks pretty flimsy, but I'm a gentleman: After you dear...'

'I'm getting kind of bored, Jim. Can I put you on hold?'

The words 'Thank you ' take seconds to say, but mean so much.

"Do you want the 10-minute truth, or the 5-second lie?"

Courtesy Wave

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'Thag! Put those silly things down! Where are your manners?'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Wine tasters...

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

'It was a complete surprise when the table-setting police arrived. I had no idea I was doing it wrong.'

"Writing Christmas cards shouldn't be this complicated dear!"

"It's mine—and I'd appreciate your not looking out of it."

'I think he wants you to be quiet!'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"Instead of 'It sucks' you should say, 'It doesn't speak to me.'"

"Thank you for being a wonderful audience during my cellphone conversation."

Queue this way.