Etiquette T-Shirts

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'I can never remember. Does the cell phone go on the left or the right?'

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

Two Englishmen Who Were Never Formally Introduced.

'Remember when we had to go into a sound-proof telephone box to make a public phone call?'

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

'It's a memo from our parent company. They remind us to pay attention, quit slouching, take our elbows off the table and to act our age, if it's not too much to ask!'

'Pushing to the front of the queue is an automatic fail, I'm afraid, Mr. Singh.'

Britishness Test - Queue Here.

British culture is deeply impregnated with 'hinting', getting the message across, withot ever 'coming out with it'.

'You must close your eyes during grace.'

"This is a nice restaurant. Turn your cap around."

The words 'Thank you ' take seconds to say, but mean so much.

The merger hits a snag.

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'It looks pretty flimsy, but I'm a gentleman: After you dear...'

'I'm getting kind of bored, Jim. Can I put you on hold?'

Trapped in a how-are-you vortex

'Think we should ask permission first?'

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Courtesy Wave

"Can't talk now David, I'm in a meeting - with you."

Wine tasters...

'Thag! Put those silly things down! Where are your manners?'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Do you want the 10-minute truth, or the 5-second lie?"

"I'm looking for a book called 'The Decline in Manners' by A. S. Thorpe."

'I think he wants you to be quiet!'

'It was a complete surprise when the table-setting police arrived. I had no idea I was doing it wrong.'

To Hell with Protocol, Walk In

"Thank you for being a wonderful audience during my cellphone conversation."

"It's mine—and I'd appreciate your not looking out of it."