Etiquette Seeker T-Shirts

'Just shake hands please.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"