Etiquette Educator Gifts

"Thank you for being a wonderful audience during my cellphone conversation."

"Oh, gross! I asked you to cut the cake, not the cheese!"

'Be careful, Chuck, you're getting some of it in your mouth.'

"Hey! Elbows off the table."

Really? The first time our species is caught on camera, and it's THAT guy?

'Would you please stop struggling? You're damaging my web!'

''Casual Friday' does not mean you may unbutton your lip!'

'Honey, we don't stare.'

"Hey, you two! What did I say about sharing?!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Hipsters"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"