Ethical Lawyer Gifts

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

Slavery Reparations

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

Sportswasher's

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

Anonymous Donations

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Now, at first glance, this may LOOK like a challenge.'

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

Free-range C.E.O.s

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

"Never lie to your attorney, Brad. If any lies need to be told I'll tell them."

Sports Lawyers

Cleaning Out the WildLife for New Residential Construction.

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'The ethics consultant said our business conduct is immoral. I immediately took action and fired the guy.'

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'

"The plea bargain agreement is you plead guilty and charges against my next two clients will be dropped."