Ethical Governance Advocate Gifts

Corruption and Forestry Department: 'All trees are in a very good shapes sir!'

"More on why I have your best interests at heart in a moment. But first, a word from my sponsor."

"Here's my idea. First we privatize everything. Then we fire everyone. Then we give ourselves bonuses for frugality."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Slavery Reparations

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

Anonymous Donations

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

Free-range C.E.O.s

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

"It's not easy being green…"

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

Cleaning Out the WildLife for New Residential Construction.

CONGRESS, 'You know, we wouldn't need a pay hike if we got commissions on our appropriations.'

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

Corporate Responsibility - All front with nothing behind it.

Bernie Sanders

'I thought the whistle-blowers showed up after we were finished.'

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

"And Justin has been promoted to Head of Diversity."

"We're an oversight committee, but we do it more in the sense of overlooking."

Nortel Networks goes after executives to repay bonuses.

"John McCain stuck to his convictions...did what was right even when it was contrary to his party - just like..."

Go and sin no more.

"Peggy, can we find someone to misuse a few of these campaign funds for a run to the deli to get us some lunch?"

'Does anyone see a reason why this new market strategy shouldn't move forward?...It's more an illegal scheme than a strategy, not to mention awfully immoral...in other words, blah blah blah windfall profits blah...'