Ethical Competitor Gifts

Chambers - Unfair Advantage.

No Doping

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Mixed Doubles.

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

'You play ball with me and I'll play ball with you!'

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

The Rivalry Begins

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

Free-range C.E.O.s

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"You can't expect to get anywhere in business without making an enemy or two, Filmeyer."

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

CEO slumber

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

"It would help if you brown-nosed a little more."

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."