Ethical Competitor Gifts

Chambers - Unfair Advantage.

No Doping

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Mixed Doubles.

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'You play ball with me and I'll play ball with you!'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

Free-range C.E.O.s

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"You can't expect to get anywhere in business without making an enemy or two, Filmeyer."

The Rivalry Begins

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."

"It would help if you brown-nosed a little more."

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

CEO slumber

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."