Eternal Slice Master Gifts

Golf Heaven: Is it like I'd imagined? Yeah, pretty much.

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Patissier

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

'We'd like one pizza cut into eleven pieces.'

"For God's sake, Michelangelo, it's just a cookie!"

Pizza Fencing

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

For Greg, it was just another predictable day at Kraft,

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

Woman standing behind boss with sign saying 'Applause'.

"Malcolm W. Dunlap, violin repairs. Malcolm, we are so pleased to see you."

Protesting Pineapple Pizza

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'My parents are separated.'

Sculptor - "Try not to blink."

"The Christmas cake I baked for the church raffle is in the kitchen, I'll go and get it."

"Deep down I'm really shallow."

"Nasty slice you have but now we're on this course, we may as well switch to it."

"Apparently, Paul Hollywood used to be called Paul Hollywoodland."

This place says they have the biggest pizza slice in town...

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

Common golf Problems: 'Worst slice I have ever seen!'

Had a great day, boss. Drove my ball into the water twice, lost three balls in the rough, and played the worse game in my life - I got him to sign the contract.

'I like to think of myself as Tiger Woods' greatest nightmare - although I'd don't know why he'd ever dream about me.'

Cryogenic Cookery

"We'll slice through this area here, then divide it into sections."

'We need to work on that slice of yours.'

"That commemorates the best slice in midtown."

'I know I can't bring it with me... but how about some snapshots?'