Eternal Rival Pillows

Football fan's grave - "He never really stopped fighting did he?"

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Genius Envy

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

This is forever... till death do us part...

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

The Sculptor

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

'I'm bored with the Sisyphus channel. Switch to the Tantalus channel.'

"No one rides off into me anymore."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

Internal Clocks.

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

'He was competitive to the very end.'

"Basically, I'm trying to live long enough to experience eight women for every man."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'I keep looking for a keepr, and all I find are fixer-uppers.'

'Do you remember when I was your trophy wife and you were a stud?'

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

'I agree the whole thing is crass and commercial but I still expect something huge and expensive.'

'Al was competitive to the end!'

'Me retire? Never!!!'

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"