Eternal Rival Pillows

Football fan's grave - "He never really stopped fighting did he?"

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

Genius Envy

This is forever... till death do us part...

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

The Sculptor

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

ONE IN A MILLION

'I'm bored with the Sisyphus channel. Switch to the Tantalus channel.'

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

"No one rides off into me anymore."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

Internal Clocks.

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"Basically, I'm trying to live long enough to experience eight women for every man."

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'I keep looking for a keepr, and all I find are fixer-uppers.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'He was competitive to the very end.'

'Do you remember when I was your trophy wife and you were a stud?'

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

'I agree the whole thing is crass and commercial but I still expect something huge and expensive.'

'Al was competitive to the end!'

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"