Racing Rival Pillows

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

"They say jogging is the top sport today..."

Tension filled the tent.

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Polygamists' Picnic

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'The grudge match.'

An Archeologic Dig

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"Mom always liked you best."

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

'I don't mind hand-me-downs. I just wish my brother had played football.'

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

"I dislike you both the same."