Racing Rival Pillows

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

"They say jogging is the top sport today..."

Tension filled the tent.

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Polygamists' Picnic

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'The grudge match.'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

An Archeologic Dig

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

I won! I finished my pizza first! Want to make it two out of three?

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

Trick Number 9: plant valuables in his room...in case you need a reason for a quick getaway.

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

"Mom always liked you best."

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

'I don't mind hand-me-downs. I just wish my brother had played football.'

'Do you have a Birthday card that smells - It's for my horrible little brother.'