Escargot Sampler Gifts

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Sauce for the Goose

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Diet considerations.'

Sinking Sand

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

'The escargots are underdone.'

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

Eating raw cake mix.

NEW FALL LINEUP

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Waiter! This broth tastes spoiled!'

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

'The Tooth Fairy and her evil twin, the Sweet-Tooth Fairy.'

'Nutcrackers! I take it this is the first time you've had snails, sir?'

'I've completed my inspection. You've got termites...I had no idea they were carnivores.'

American 'Idle'.

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

Working from home.

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Yes, you're right... This dinner invitation from the French Embassy is highly suspicious!'