Escargot Aficionado Gifts

'Yes, you're right... This dinner invitation from the French Embassy is highly suspicious!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Let's consider an early dive."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Czarcasm

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'What's your blood type?'

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Timpson?

I'm not going to send over my manager just because there's a fly in your soup. What about sending over the fly's manager.

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"That's not just our motto, that's our pay scale."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

"Wrap it in any old bit of newspaper - she's bound to return it."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"It's not backstabbing if I tell our boss how lame you are while you're sitting here, is it?"

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."