Equation Extraordinaire Pillows

'I got it wrong, didn't I?'

By changing the negative sign to positive...

Profit

Thumbing a Lift.

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

Weather prediction is guesswork.

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

"I just always show up to everything!"

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'

"Lucky!"

Air catarrh.

"What A Party."

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

Never marry the girl next door: 'I know you better than you know yourself!'

'Egomania, you say? How on earth did you diagnose me so quickly?'

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

I'd like you to meet my parents. They're always complaining that I'm too picky about the men I date.

"Folsom's seasick, sir."

Colin was the life and sole of any party...

Post-Pandemic Party

"Fruit salad? Count me in!"

With more and more graduates defaulting on college loans, many loan companies have hired undercover hecklers!

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

'I think that we can safely assume Mr Jones is on the mend, Matron.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.

Fading eyesight was to have its advantages.