Equation Extraordinaire Pillows

'I got it wrong, didn't I?'

By changing the negative sign to positive...

Profit

Thumbing a Lift.

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

Weather prediction is guesswork.

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'

"What A Party."

Never marry the girl next door: 'I know you better than you know yourself!'

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

Air catarrh.

"Lucky!"

'Egomania, you say? How on earth did you diagnose me so quickly?'

"Folsom's seasick, sir."

Colin was the life and sole of any party...

Post-Pandemic Party

"Fruit salad? Count me in!"

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

'I think that we can safely assume Mr Jones is on the mend, Matron.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

Fading eyesight was to have its advantages.

'I tried to do my term paper, but the video store doesn't have ANYTHING about the Spanish-American War!'

First Date: 'Using a ten year old photo on your dating profile is one thing, using a ten year old photo of a male model is quite another!'