Equation Extraordinaires Pillows

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

Profit

Thumbing a Lift.

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

Formula.

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

"Lucky!"

By changing the negative sign to positive...

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

"Folsom's seasick, sir."

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

'I think that we can safely assume Mr Jones is on the mend, Matron.'

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

Fading eyesight was to have its advantages.

'I tried to do my term paper, but the video store doesn't have ANYTHING about the Spanish-American War!'