Equation Extraordinaires Pillows

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

Profit

Thumbing a Lift.

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

Formula.

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

"Lucky!"

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

By changing the negative sign to positive...

"It's for you, dear."

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

Frank Lloyd Wright

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

"Folsom's seasick, sir."

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

'And you honey, how was your day at the PlayStation?'

'I think that we can safely assume Mr Jones is on the mend, Matron.'

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

Fading eyesight was to have its advantages.

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.