Excuse Extraordinaire Pillows

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

"I've heard some lame excuses in my time, but checking your cell phone to see when the new 'Distracted Driving' law goes into effect takes the cake."

"Folsom's seasick, sir."

'I tried to do my term paper, but the video store doesn't have ANYTHING about the Spanish-American War!'

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

'I was doing REALLY well, and then I sleepwalked last night and at a 20-pound bag of potatoes!'

...Here's one I bet you haven't heard.

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

'A dog ate my homework.'

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'My dog ate my computer.'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

Lame Lines