Dating Extraordinaire Pillows

I'd like you to meet my parents. They're always complaining that I'm too picky about the men I date.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

I drive, therefore I am.

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

You looked different during our video chat.

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

Weather prediction is guesswork.

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

"I just always show up to everything!"

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

Never marry the girl next door: 'I know you better than you know yourself!'

"Lucky!"

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

'So in what year did you graduate from the school of hard knocks?'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

"What A Party."

'Egomania, you say? How on earth did you diagnose me so quickly?'

"Carl! Carl! He's telling the truth! He's married. The single guy lives next door."

Colin was the life and sole of any party...

Post-Pandemic Party

"Fruit salad? Count me in!"

'I think that we can safely assume Mr Jones is on the mend, Matron.'

Fading eyesight was to have its advantages.

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"This is my first date with a tri-sexual."

'I told you I put out on a first date.'

"Been lookin' for love in all the wrong carnivals."

"This is Stan, my latest project."

'Now's a good time to get a feel for your negotiating skills.'

First Date: 'Using a ten year old photo on your dating profile is one thing, using a ten year old photo of a male model is quite another!'

'This is McWit. He's responsible for our really complex spreadsheets.'