Epic Tale Lover Gifts

J. R. R. Tolkien

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I think someone's trying to play games with us."

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"You have to practice because if the Devil challenges you to a fiddle contest and wins, he gets your soul."

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

Finding Bigfoot

"Long Johns Silver."

"Once inside, the pawns will jump out and take them by surprise."

Virgil

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

Signs grampa has run out of 'When I Was Your Age' stories.

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

"No, let down your hair!"

'It's a special delivery from 'Troys are us'.'

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

Goldilocks reads note from three bears: Gone for a walk in the woods. Your porridge is on the table.

'You've become a right pain in the neck.'

"I say we just wheel it into the city. What's the worst that can happen?""

Trilby - 'I believe you, my boy!'

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

'You'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on.'

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

Achilles often feared that his weakness would be discovered.

'I,m trying something new...giraffe manure!'

Valkyrie.

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Lord of the Rungs: Window Cleaner

Trilby - 'Svengali! . . . Svengali! . . . Svengali! . . .'