Ancient Tale Lover Gifts

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

J. R. R. Tolkien

Neptune

Trojan Hurdler.

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

Finding Bigfoot

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

"Long Johns Silver."

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

"No, let down your hair!"

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

Signs grampa has run out of 'When I Was Your Age' stories.

"That's not what I said."

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

The Dungeon

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

Goldilocks reads note from three bears: Gone for a walk in the woods. Your porridge is on the table.

'You're too wrapped up in yourself.'

Achilles often feared that his weakness would be discovered.

ATM Inside

King Midas: The Golden Years

"In my day, we didn't ask for a raise, we demanded one!"

Argonauts and football

"It was a time when men regularly performed great feats of valor but were rarely in touch with their feelings."

"God is out to get me."