Entertainment Questioner Pillows

Animal liberator with a magician's hat.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"It's a play on words."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

More Arts Council cuts...

"As I recall, Leonard, when we first watched 'The Honeymooners' you said that it marked the decline and fall of Western culture."

Pop star weather report.

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...