Jolly Questioner Pillows

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

Garden.

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"Merry Christmas"

Do Guns Kill?

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Ostrich Curoisities

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Snowman throws snowball at Santa.

Elf of the Month

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"Maybe this year..."

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker

God hounded by the media.

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'