Entertainment Commentator Pillows

Some people who watch reality shows take notes.

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"