Entertainer Gifts

'Hi ? I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you.'

'Your serves are great. Ground strokes, superb. It's your foot faults that are killing you.'

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"Thank you. You've been a great audience."

"What's the next best medicine?"

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

Rule one: Never work without a net. Rule two: Specify the type of net.

'This next song's about spreading risk in a volatile market by diversification.'

'Maybe you should wear a helmet, in case, you know, my math is off.'

Caricature of Bruce Forsythe

Why it's not always a good idea to wear your work uniform to court...

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'A clown? What makes you think you could be a clown?'

Ramon was a polished performer, but this was madness. . . A square peg in a round hole, unassisted, and blindfolded!!

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

Pub Quiz: 'Question one. How many childish arguments are we going to have tonight?'

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

'I've written a love song about big dividend - playing stocks.'

'This next song is about setting boundaries, and how now I wish I had.'

Hollywood Talent: 'Sorry, kid, but there's a dog in China who will bark 'Jingle bells' for a third what we pay you!'

'The thing I like about jazz is nobody notices if I hit the wrong notes.'

"You think this is funny - I'm 38, I live with my mother and I've got a college degree."

'I think we could understand this better if it were a pie chart.'

'Please do not try this at home, unless you have a strong alibi and a brilliant lawyer.'

'I'm worried: He still can't balance a ball on his nose...'

'This next song is about how dreams really can come true.'

'Being a royal court jester hasn't just been all glitz and glamor you know. Oh sure, there's been a lot of laughter on the outside but tehre's been a lot of crying,dysentry,cholera,gout and bubonic plague on the inside.'

"It's great to see so many new faces her tonight!"

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

Normally she wouldn't say boo to a goose!

'Then...we went back and identified moments that cried out for a song.'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"This session is not over until I sing so!"

Ant and Dec.