Audience Entertainer Gifts

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

David Letterman

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Children's Parties

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Clown on bike.

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Extreme miming"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

The Rooster Comedian.

A Guide to Balloon Animals

Comedy Cafe

Cow Show Tunes

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"That'll be five bucks."

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Taking a peek at the audience

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Clown God