English Teacher Gifts

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

'Yes, a winky face is correct... But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as 'complete sentences.''

"My name is Mr. Collins. I'll be teaching you English literature, and I'm armed."

Corrective Lens

"We saved your life. However, your colon is now a semicolon"

'Are you the new English teacher?' 'Yes I are!'

student to teacher: 'I have trouble with punctuation. I just don't have any comma sense.'

'I can't believe I went out with an apostrophe. He was so possessive.'

'Writing is just like texting except you have to use all of the letters in each word.'

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

'Give me two pronouns.'

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'Fly on the wall meet Elephant in the room and Skeleton in the cupboard.'

"Look, if you must go down to the seas again, to the lonely seas and sky, then go!But take your BlackBerry."

"I thought it had a pretty good story and interesting characters, but I really didn't like the font."

'Are you sure brook is misspelled'

'Nobody understands the apostrophe.'

Your English teacher says you use too many Americanisms.

'She said we were definitely having a test, no ifs, ands or buts, and every one of them was on it.'

'More might have turned up, Sir, if you had put the apostrophe in the correct place...'

"My mom is an English teacher and she says Santa's elves are subordinate clauses."

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

A woman has an "A+" scarlet letter.

Graduate: 'I ain't never gonna forget all that you learned me, Teach!'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

"Who teaches apostrophe usage?"

'Please, Miss, surely 'trousers' should be singular at the top and plural at the bottom?'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

Miss Underhill's School Of Writing Sample Lesson

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

"Did you know that 'decimate' means kill just one out of every ten?"

Hamlet meets autocorrect

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

"I'm sorry, but refusing to use an Oxford comma isn't really grounds for divorce."