English Teacher Fan Gifts

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

A Puppet Named Juan

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Punctuation Police

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Shakespeare was bisexual

"Oh, this old thing?"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

Thomas Hardy

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

Sometimes Y Turn

Why do you direct the school musical, Mr. K? It's a privilege

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

William Faulkner

Staff Yearbook

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

Lord Byron

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

The Raven in Flight

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

Danth battle?

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

Some Hamlet-based puns