Engine Whisperer T-Shirts

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

'Bob, the 'check engine' light just came on,'

'Believe me, we've tried everything... All we get is a 'click-click-whirrr' kind of noise, a big 'CLUNK' and then NOTHING!'

"There's that squeak again."

'I wanted a little more speed. I just hope I'm not violating any laws by using a jet engine.'

Car Dentistry.

'Bad news, Dr. Treemont...It needs an engine transplant.'

'In her day, she did all the work for me, now I'm doing all the work for her.'

'Now the deeply-troubled expression, stroke your chin...good...'

Woman is angry at car breakdown.

Low-Tech Terminology

"I think I found what was causing that knocking."

"Let it run slow. I love to hear the gurgle and splash."

"I've done all I can. Take it home and read it The Little Engine That Could."

"Yeah, my master is a car enthusiast too, but instead of going on joy-rides with me, he spends his weekends tinkering with the engine..."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Oh...that's not good."

'No, the sound isn't turned off, it's a Formula One race.'

It happens every time I go over a bump!

'It's got cancer.'

'Take it out on the interstate for about 20 minutes while Luther here tries to figure out where that tapping sound is coming from.'

Jump-starting Frankenstein's monster

"When I hit 5000 rpm I start to hear phantom of the opera!!"

But this is more than the estimate!

My car idles well! It learned a lot from you!

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Braiding a Horse's Tail

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

Touring Cyclist

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!