Car Whisperer T-Shirts

"It makes a loud grinding sound whenever I merge onto the highway."

"I don't know what's wrong, but, if you open and close the hood like this, it looks like your car is talking."

"Your engine was running amok. We had to call in the authorities."

'Here he comes now. I told you my mechanic was a good one.'

'It's flooded.'

Psychic Car Mechanics.

Support groups for car repairs.

Say ahhhh.

'Would you do that noise that your car makes on more time...it's hilarious!'

'Since we're going to be traveling, I gave the car a tune-up. And as soon as our mechanic fixes all the damage I caused, we can leave.'

Let's just say if it was a horse, I'd shoot it.

'Now the deeply-troubled expression, stroke your chin...good...'

'Frankly I'm worried. The 'funny noise' has turned to whining and whimpering.'

'We think of our estimates as merely a quest for the truth.'

Drive-through Therapy: "I don't feel road-worthy."

"And you say it does really well in the snow?"

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"You just have to replace everything else."

'Benjamin, your car is knocking.'

(Visual gag) Taxidermist.

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'Hey, pal -- We don't talk about the 'Car Guys' around here, okay?'

Car Trouble.

"I can't find anything physically wrong, sir - I think your car has a self-esteem problem."

"Could the problem be emotional?"

"Sure, the new hire's cute...and smart...and funny. But a complete person knows what's important in life...what's essential to the well-being of her world."

"Wow, this bill's a lot less than I thought it would be."

"Don't worry Doctor. We expect your car to make a full recovery."

Knocking is Opportunity

"It's worse than I thought."

"Bernard is our sous-mechanic."

"So tell me about your early years on the road. . ."

"Often, it's sullen and withdrawn, and then, suddenly, it becomes hostile and vengeful."

When did you last have your oil changed?