Engagement Humorist Gifts

"I have some exciting news. Baked brie wheel and I are engaged."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

Border Security

'I'll need four character references.'

'Well, what if I were the last HETEROSEXUAL man on earth?'

'Diamonds are so pass?. I prefer the hickory farms engagement sampler.

"This diamond is puny. If you are really serious about marrying me you've gotta give me a much bigger rock!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

Always Compatible

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."