Empowered Conversationalist Pillows

"Have you got the time?", "No I've got the money."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

A lesson in wit

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

'I think I'm suffering from an identity crisis, but then who am I to say?'

Bla Bla Bla

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

"I was on a roll at first. Then, things began to unravel, and my life just went down the drain."