Elite Conversationalist Pillows

"You can't learn the path to financial independence from just ANY infomercial."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

A lesson in wit

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

Bla Bla Bla

'...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many...'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"He looks just the way he did in life."

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."