Employment Eccentric Gifts

"I think we can take him off the shortlist."

'But I digress...'

Newt sale

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Blend Schools

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Urine Catcher

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

'I received matching offers.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Dr. Nackschmerz has a very logical mind.' - 'Yes - in contrast to his body.'

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'