Employee Benefits Manager Gifts

"If you were to take a bullet for me we'd be willing to provide limited medical coverage."

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

"Staff support"

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Labor Day '19

"You should probably pass if they offer stock options."

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

'So he eats the odd secretary now and then. He's our top actuary and I intend to make him a partner.'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

Walk the dog.

'Since you were previously self-employed, you shouldn't mind working for us without a health plan.'

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

"This is Fred, he heads up our corporate wellness programs."

'The next disciplinary committee might not be so lenient.'

'Oh yeah, our people will just fall over themselves to get transferred to this office.'

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

'The transplant went okay, but your insurance company is rejecting the bill.'

'Since the cuts this is what we get instead of an incapacity benefits officer.'

Companies are slashing employee health care and pension benefits. Cutting, slashing, trimming, eliminating. Look at them go. I feel like I'm watching a great athlete on tv. I'm so inspired! You're one odd duck. Rudy – come hither my overpaid dumpling!

"People are ALWAYS moaning about excessive paperwork."