Emotive Storyteller Gifts

Giacomo Puccini

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Now I think of Mom whenever it's cold."

After the Sentence

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

Mother Goose Spoilers

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

The new boy was teased for being different.

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Have you ever thought about doing a children's book?'

'Thank you for your submission. If we're interested, we'll be in touch.'

'It's a reinterpretation of the 'Christmas Carol'...but with a 'Vampire vs Werewolf' contemporary take on the story.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"