Empowered Storyteller Gifts

"It's the story of a smart and beautiful woman who faces the challenges of the future with the will of a warrior!"

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

Mother Goose Spoilers

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

"A homeless person ate my homework."

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Have you ever thought about doing a children's book?'

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"We used your unsold copies to build a tree, but it's not the same."

Women Possibilities

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"