Emotionally Invested Fan Gifts

"But that's the beauty of the game. At this very moment, your absurd vicarious defeat is being perfectly counterbalanced by some opposing fan's absurd vicarious triumph."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

Turmoil change.

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Of course I love you more than I ove football -- You were my first-round draft pick!"

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

"You're sucking all the fun out of my misery."

"Yes, I came back. I always come back."

"I'm sorry your team lost - perhaps you should have rooted for the other team."

"I can be changed!"

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

"You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to meet you."

"He finally popped the big question: Would I watch the super bowl with him?"

"Did I miss something?"

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

Great Joys like griefs are silent.

"Enjoy the movie, and try not to cry too loud at the end when the dog comes home."

"Don't worry, sweetie... Daddy is just adjusting the television...Mr. Maher is all in favor of people being exposed to channels like HBO."

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

Counsellor for man on desert island

Intensive waiting.

"C'mon sweetie—you're only as bankrupt as you feel."

"Need hug."

'Do you want someone to help you or do you just want someone to hold your hand?'

"Say, Coach. . . since we always get beat by 40 points or more, it might make more sense to hold our moment of prayer before the game, not after."

Football Sisyphus