Emotional Fan Gifts

Upset Sports Fan

Licensed Therapist

Bowled over again!

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Currently Boston

"It's nice to feel wanted though, isn't it?"

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

Turmoil change.

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"We added it just for the millenials."

"You're sucking all the fun out of my misery."

"Yes, I came back. I always come back."

"I can be changed!"

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'So, Henry. Just exactly how 'controversial' was that call you made in tonight's game?'

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"And a signature here verifying your witness to my empathy."

"Enjoy the movie, and try not to cry too loud at the end when the dog comes home."

"Did I miss something?"

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

Great Joys like griefs are silent.

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

"But that's the beauty of the game. At this very moment, your absurd vicarious defeat is being perfectly counterbalanced by some opposing fan's absurd vicarious triumph."

Counsellor for man on desert island

Intensive waiting.

'Do you want someone to help you or do you just want someone to hold your hand?'

"C'mon sweetie—you're only as bankrupt as you feel."

"Need hug."

"'How does this make me feel?' For what you charge an hour - you should be able to tell me."

'Mom, can you get dad a glass of water? We've just finished 'the giving tree' and he's a bit shaken up.'

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

'I think we'll prescribe daily hugs, mutual pats on the back and an hourly rendition of 'Oh what a beautiful morning...'.'