Emotional Shopper Gifts

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Cut Price

'She's so put together!'

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Relationship Warning Lights

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

Large Emoticon Collider

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"I shop, therefore I am."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

The Map of the Human Heart

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"