Emotional Moments Appreciator Pillows

'Don't cry, Mother �' you'll make your nose (hic!) red!'

Showbiz Awards

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Sitting in a tree

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Speed Dating Disasters

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

Windchimes

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

How to injury yourself as an adult

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"I was so happy after winning the Mood Swing World Champs, I did a victory lap of all the known emotions."

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."

'Maybe you should try crying on the OUTSIDE....'

Life is just four letters...

Man asking lady if she cares for him

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."