Emotional Investors Pillows

'Showering our children with money instead of love was a mistake. We should have invested it.'

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

The Book Lover

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."

"If your emotional intelligence is so high, why do you always forget our anniversary?"

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'Dad, are we rich?'

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'We have an excellent investment counselor and if things don't work out, an equally good investment therapist.'

"Die alone"

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

Empathy School for Trump

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

'I used to equate love with money. Now I equate it with fast-moving growth stocks.'

'It was love at first sight!'

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

'What's that supposed to mean!?!'

"What do I want to do? I want to do what you want to do and then resent you for being controlling."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"O.K., you told me so. May I continue."

Intensive waiting.