Emotional Economist Pillows

'But, sweetheart, if mummy didn't work so many extra hours she couldn't afford to buy you treats...'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

Psychology Clinic: Now Treating - How to Handle Stock Market Drops Without Selling!

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

The Book Lover

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

'You are crazy, but in a NICE way.'

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."

Prozac, Lexapro and Lithium.

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

Spirit of love

'We have an excellent investment counselor and if things don't work out, an equally good investment therapist.'

Brain and heart sweep away the negative

"Often, it's sullen and withdrawn, and then, suddenly, it becomes hostile and vengeful."

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

"Yes, I can see where being Wendy's invisible friend all those years, and then her growing up could cause separation anxiety."

Master Mum

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

'I used to equate love with money. Now I equate it with fast-moving growth stocks.'

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

Empathy School for Trump

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'