Emergency Buffs Pillows

'It's not working, chief - fighting fire with fire.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"Remember, when you back up, make that 'beep beep' sound."

Boston Marathon: The First Responders.

"Sorry, it will have to be fire, police or ambulance. Superman is busy right now."

"You never know what will catch on!"

"Warning! Not to be used as a life saving device."

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

Hospital Cleaning.

'I doubt whether the Green Goddesses can cope with this.'

'I say we forget about these particular chickens...'

'Quick! Page the flight deck, bring me oxygen, gloves, a mask and someone junior!'

'Lightening hit the band shell while the orchestra was playing...'

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"This way, O' Brien."

'Do not be alarmed... this is only a drill!'

Sympathy

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

"Duck? No I ordered the beef."

Rescuing footballs from a fire.

'Welcome to Florida. Do you know your evacuation route?'

"No, thanks. I'm in training."

'We had to install the safety net for insurance purposes.'

Farmer complaining about his repair bill.

'I think I'm possessed! I've been laying deviled eggs.'

A survivor from the Titanic standing on an iceberg

'I just don't think it appropriate to have your old divorce lawyer as your best man.'