Email Writing Gifts

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

Letter Collecting Nerd

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

Spam in Hell.

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

Santa called but you were out!

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'The kids are grown and gone now, but they always keep in touch.'

Spam in inbox.

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n