Email Management Gifts

'You have seven phone messages telling you to check your e-mail, and thirteen e-mails telling you to answer your phone.'

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

He replied all.

'You'd get a lot more work done if you didn't reply to every spam email with 'Thank you for your kind offer ...''

'Okay, sir, can you identify the spam?'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Such a shame, he was this close to emptying his inbox

"Please disregard the previous message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

"As soon as I get to inbox zero I'm all yours."

"I love email, it allows me to give ten times as much work to ten times as many people with one tenth of my effort."

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"...it's where we keep all the e-mail that gets filtered out."

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

"He hit some bad email traffic on the way to work this morning."

"Great, only 1,692,358 emails."

"I'm having all unwanted emails go to an Uncle Spam folder."

"He must be a smart phone executive."

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

Spam emails

Have your emails opened here - 10c each.

'Oh . . . you mean that silly little email?'

'And this is the 'executive' version of our mail filter. Keeps your inbox free of spam, viruses and bad news.'

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

Phisherman's Friend

In/out computers

'Out of office - Please leave your emails in the inbox next door.'

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

Spam Folders

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."