Elite Circles T-Shirts

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

La Table

'Greenwich in the Season'

"What's wrong, girl? Trouble? Rachel can't decide which private school to attend?" "Upper West Side Lassie"

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Imogene is just back from an extended trip through the Navajo country."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

The Artificial Intelligentsia

"I've always admired you. I find your complete lack of compassion refreshing."

"I live in the Brooklyn arrondissement."

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

"He's always, like, 'Oh, really? I went to school in Canis Major - well, not in Canis Major, but just outside Canis Major,' and it's like, we get it, you went to Blarvard."

This club is for members only

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

Immoral Country Club

'Millionaires Club - Self-Made - Inherited'

Running on Empty

"Do you have a reservation?"

'The GOP has a Purity Test!'

"Well gentlemen, I think it's time we rejoined the ladyboys."

"It costs how much to join?"

'Please meet my dear wife, my very dear wife.'

"This is a private club. Are you a Mamba ?"

'Hey! This club is for members only!'

"Can you help me out? I'm a little bit short with my club dues."

Garrick club. Men's men only.

"Now you tell me I'm the only member?"

"Saint Bartholomew's Home for Trust Fund Brats"

"I often mistake a twenty pound note for a membership card."

"How's school? Have you made some cronies?"